I am a person who appreciates routine. Every day, I wake up, have a full glass of water, shower and dress for the day, and take the dogs out to greet the world. We return, I feed them, and then I’m off on the subway to work where I structure lessons on a tight, by-the-minute schedule. That routine allows me to feel structure, which I oh-so need in the chaotic life of teaching young people and rearing adopted dogs with anxiety issues.
And yet, day after day, I long for the unstructured time of the evening and Saturdays. It’s a classic grass-is-always-greener scenario. The week-long breaks in December, February, and April are always a delight, but feel just too long. I spent this week rebounding from a nasty case of the flu last week, so it has not been as eventful as weeks off have been in the past. This lack of busyness is not necessarily unwelcome.
A couple days ago, I discovered during an evening journaling session that I am living the dream of my past self. I have a platform for writing where I earn some extra money (Thank you! 🥹); I am privileged to make music I love with great friends; now I produce a podcast to talk about all of the media I love, and the feedback on that has been promising.
I truly did not realize that I was living my dream until I stopped for a moment and reflected. The nitty gritty of the daily grind often leaves me on autopilot and less grateful for all I am able to create. This week off of nothingness has allowed me to see forest after getting lost among the trees.
That’s enough of that. You’re here for the recommendations.
What I’ve Been Reading
I’m about 50 pages from finishing Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner, a.k.a. Japanese Breakfast. It has taken me about a year to read this book, but that’s not because it is not engaging or lacking in any way. Rather, H Mart is dense in its emotion. I feel heavy with grief, or full of delicious food, or any other feeling Zauner seeks to communicate. I see why it is an important read in its successful development of empathy, but it is not one I will ever read again, or engage with in any adaptations, should they ever pan out. The world is sad enough, but at least Zauner finds beauty in her pain.
Another sad story, albeit more of the cosmic horror variety, I have finally began my descent into the green hell of Al Ewing and co.’s The Immortal Hulk. The major conceit of this run is that Bruce Banner can die, but his alter ego, the Hulk, cannot. Banner and the Hulk were my favorite super heroes growing up, so it delights me to follow their story through a lens I’ve become enamored with in recent years. The sorrow of a man who cannot escape the monster inside him, even through death, is gut wrenching. I’m only a few issues in so far, and it is mostly The Twilight Zone-meets-Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, but it is immediately clear why this is a modern classic.
What I’ve Been Watching
As mentioned on this week’s episode of Filler, I finished Cassandra on Netflix. The miniseries is a tight, six episodes of German science fiction that tugs on your heart strings, not unlike Dark. The concept is simple: A family reeling from tragedy moves into a 1970s-built smart home with its own tragic origin. Er, tragedy ensues. While the show is not without its faults (the father in particular constantly made frustrating, questionable choices), Cassandra stuck the landing for me, making me begin to rethink my hesitant feelings about watching television again.
What I’ve Been Listening To
My ears have been mostly occupied by podcast editing, listening to mixes for Burn Over District, and demoing for the LVP.
What I’ve been listening to that isn’t something I have a hand in directly making, is Rapt’s beautifully somber Until The Light Takes Us, out today on START-TRACK. Rapt mastermind Jacob Ware fingerpicks an acoustic guitar and plucks heartstrings with tender lyrics that explore grief and love. Album highlights include “Attar of Roses” (“If this was the price they’d pay to love / Why do they love?”) and the apocalyptic title track. Until The Light Takes Us is what winter in February sounds like: solemn and cold, but with a quiet gratitude for the hearth still burning as we wait for spring to thaw.
Until Next Time
My typing must cease and I am to return to Logic to finish editing this upcoming episode of Filler. Steve and I begin our descent into blink-182, a band I grew up with (that didn’t grow up with me? Hm…) that has always been a blind spot for him. This miniseries was a challenge to research, but the final product and our conclusions were insightful.
What about you? What’s new? What has been filling your cup, or challenging you creatively? Wherever you are, I hope you’re warm.